Now that the cat's out of the bag, i thought I'd write a bit about the pregnancy journey so far.
Fair warning, I will be writing about trying to conceive, ovulation, periods and pregnancy tests... so if you don't want to read about it... Don't.
As soon as Kaleb turned 2, we knew we wanted to start trying to have another little one. Well, actually we had talked about it for some time before, but we kept going back and forth. Honestly, I thought I would want more babies right away, but after having Kaleb I realized I needed more time before starting down that baby road again.
But, just like with Kaleb, when the time finally felt right, it felt RIGHT! So we started trying in October of 2013. Now, with the first time we tried (with Kaleb) I got pregnant right off the bat. So, even though I kept saying "It can take 6 months to year to get pregnant." I DID NOT think it would take longer that one MAYBE two trys - tops.
Well, figuring out my ovulation days via calendar, we tried in October. I got these bulk pregnancy test off of ebay (because oh my goodness they are so expensive in stores!).
They're a little ick at first because basically they're dip sticks. They came with a little cup for your dipping convenience... yeah. But they're basically the same things you get at your local pregnancy test store without the casing.
Anyway, They say you can test up to 5 days before your missed period, so of course, 5 days on the nose I take the test- negative. I then take a test EVERYDAY until the bitter flow of disappointment arrives.
We then try in November... on every ovulation day.
I again take the test for five days until its clear I'm not pregnant.
We debate about trying in December, because the baby's due date would be within days of Kaleb's birthday, but we both wanted to be pregnant so bad, we decide at the last minute to try this cycle anyway. But it didn't matter, because after 5 days of testing, I'm still not pregnant. (you would think I would stop testing early by now, but that didn't happen.)
So we try in January... We had just moved to our new home, EVERYTHING was chaos... I was still organizing still unpacking. Add that to the fact that I still wasn't pregnant and I was just a ball of stress.
We tried... and after the calendar said my cycle was over, I decide to take an ovulation test (that came with the pregnancy tests) just to be sure. I was skeptical because I read that they were notoriously inaccurate, but I was desperate. The test said I was still ovulating, and I didn't really believe it... I also didn't really do anything with the information.
We just continued on as a married couple, not the time-keeping-baby-making-Nazi I think turned into when I "knew" I was ovulating.
Well, February rolls around and its 5 days before my period, so I take the test - negative. The next day - negative. I'm just done. My hope is gone.
I know we only tried for four months and so many people try longer and have much MUCH greater struggles, but going from "pregnant on the first try" to five months and nothing, I was surprised and so sad.
It was February 9th, A Sunday and the day I was supposed to get the red devil in my belly (New Girl, 50 Shades of Day) But hadn't yet. Were at church and I didn't have any... lets say 'protection' with me in case I did start. So, knowing I would I rushed home and as I grabbed some, I had to push aside my pregnancy tests. I stopped for a moment... could I be pregnant?
No, no I had taken two tests already and I wasn't. I was resigned to not being pregnant for a while. Maybe I needed to lose more weight (my "fix" for everything, though I haven't really done it yet), maybe Kaleb would be older than 3 when we had another one, would that be so horrible?
Feeling defeated I went back to church and carried on with my day.
That evening, after dinner and as Kaleb was taking a bath, I realized I still hadn't started. So, with guarded hopes I took the test.
Kaleb was next to me in the bath as I stared at that VERY faded blue line.
I was shocked. I was happy, but I was shocked.
Emotion filled me. Filled me to the brim.
I still didn't totally trust it though. I had to take another test. An expensive one from the store. Maybe my whole batch was wrong.
My plan (for about 10 minutes) was to put Kaleb to bed, somehow convince Blake I needed to leave, confirm my pregnancy and if I was pregnant, tell him in some really cool way on Valentines day.
Well, we got Kaleb out of the bath and in to jammies. I got through story time and when we had family prayer, I just started crying.
Blake came over to me, asked "whats the matter?" and held me. I managed "Nothing! I think I'm pregnant. The test said maybe but I don't believe it."
He did. Right away he did. But I went to the store any was and took a "proper" test. One of those digital ones so I could be sure. No faded lines, just "Pregnant" or "Not Pregnant".
We cried, and were so thankful.
We decided not to tell anyone for a while, to make sure everything was going to be OK.
(I called my cousin and grandma, but they kept it under wraps.)
Anyway, I'm now 18 weeks and want to write a WHOLE lot more about my second pregnancy experience so far, but this post is already crazy long, so I'll save it for later.
We are so thankful for our little one and cannot wait for these next few months to be over and to just hold her and have her become a part of our family.
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