I think I found the best way to record my life...

Last week I tried something new. I wrote down a little tid bit every day about something that stood out to me. Something that I knew I wanted to remember.

and I love it. This past week has been a whirl wind of family and awesomeness, so it probably merits a post all to itself, but for the normal every days I love this system.

I don't have time to write every day, but it seems like something precious happens every single moment. A tender moment with Kaleb, a loving gesture from Blake, or just some fun project I decided to do last minute. I want to capture my life right now. I want these moments to forever be available for my perusal and remembrance.

This "jotting-down-something-every-day-to-write-about-later" will be, I think, the best way for me to do that.

so this is what my list looked like:

Mon - Kaleb asks for Buh and hat at bedtime, I made a purse, wallet set
Tue - Park with mommies, session, Blake was awesome while I had a head ache, Rebrand blog
Wed - Mail throw away game, Kaleb Jumps,
Thur - film @ no limit, backpack, calm day, BK play outside, I read Nienie, birthday dinner date
Fri - Sick from vicodin, balloons to Blake, scampi
Sat - Surprise party, bow ties.

and this is what I remembered:

ON MONDAY
As I laid my baby boy down to sleep, he tucked his knees under himself and reached out for his plush Buzz Lightyear and said "Buh! Buh!" I tried so hard not to laugh out loud. Hes never requested a toy by name before and this was adorable  The moment I handed it to him, he said "Hat! Hat!" it took a second, but I realized he was requesting his plush Woody.
(he has the "real" woody and enjoys removing and replacing his hat, so I guess that became Woody's new name)
I handed Woody over and my little one was, once again, content.

As I closed his door I said "Night night, baby." and I heard the smallest "Nigh nigh" in return.
My heart melted and my baby fell asleep.

Then I stayed up almost all night making a purse, wallet, coin purse, Key fob and card holder.
(I will ABSOLUTELY be posting more pictures of that, and of the one I tried to make the week earlier)

ON TUESDAY
Kaleb and I walked to the park to hang out with some our friends (mommies and babies) from Church.
 Last Sunday was Kaleb's first official day in Nursery all by himself and that made me step back and kind of take a look at everything. Actually see what a little boy my baby is becoming. He has friends he "plays" with and he has a teacher (of sorts) and he has snack time and he is just growing.
So anyway, we're on our way to the park, listening to Yo Gabba Gabba songs and I'm so hot and wishing I had the car instead of Blake, but still (somewhere in very back of my mind) I know the walking is good for me.
When I got there, Kaleb jumped from his stroller and ran to his new bestie, James. They climbed up to uncomfortable heights and I had to "rescue" my son for my own sanity as he danced on the ledge that led to a "slide-down" pole. James maintained a safe distance, so he was allowed to stay up there.

It really is so fun to see Kaleb interact with other toddlers. and James is an awesome little one, so I'm glad he's the one Kaleb chose to follow around.

After lots of hesitation, Kaleb also started going down the slide solo. He would walk around, up the stairs, sit by the slide, scoot forward, slide down, jump off and do it all again.
Yeah, I broke out the video and got all choked up.

Kaleb also got slapped in the face by another little friend. It was the first time anything like that ever happened, but he kept it together until he saw me hold out my arms, then he buried his head in me and cried. It was only for a moment though, and the two were playing together soon after.

Later that day, I also had the opportunity to capture some very special family portraits. (more on that later) But when I came home, I had a HORRIBLE headache.

Blake was so sweet. Without skipping a beat, he gave Kaleb dinner, a bath and put him to bed while I was laying down with my eyes closed tight.

(I love you, Blake)

That night, when I was feeling better, I went to the computer and tried (for the third time) to "re-brand" our photography site. I knew I wanted something different, but each time I designed something Blake (or my trusted friend Emily) would veto, tell it was too different or not "us" or just plain old bad.

Well on Tuesday night I actually did it and created a softer look that wasn't too different to be unrecognizable but just different enough to appease me. I happen to really like it.

BEFORE   &    AFTER

ON WEDNESDAY
Things stayed pretty chill. I decided to take Kaleb with me to check the mail (I usually don't) and it had been a couple of days so the junk mail was RIDICULOUS! I mean it was crammed in there.
We get so much junk mail. Everyone does. That's why our lovely complex managers bolted a huge trashcan right next to the mailboxes. :D

I went to throw the lot away when Kaleb reached for it. I handed him one piece and he put it in the trash and signed for more. We sat there as I handed him piece by piece and he happily tossed and tossed. It was one of those small moments that I hope he, maybe not remembers, but adds to the overall memory that his mommy tried to make the days fun and that she loves him so much.

Also later that day, while watching Yo Gabba Gabba, he jumped. Not the fake-out jump, where a toddler just tosses his upper body, but an actual jump where both his feet left the ground  It was awesome. There was much rejoicing. 

ON THURSDAY
Things started early, with the entire family (Me, Blake AND Kaleb) going to shoot a promo video for my new favorite place; No Limit Personal Training / Boot Camp. 
I'm there almost every morning, so when I told Sako (the owner) that I may have to bring my little one in when we film, he said it was fine and that Kaleb was welcome.

So we're there for a few hours, Blake is filming the goings on and I'm taking testimonials and Kaleb is going back and forth between us. He's also having tons of fun playing with a little ball that Sako gave him and messing around with those huge work out ropes that you're supposed to swing up and down.

By the time we're ready to go, they had given Kaleb a little backpack with the NO LIMIT logo on it. He put it on and was ALL smiles! He loved the darn thing so much that when we tried to put him in the car-seat and had to remove it he started screaming. That was fun.

The afternoon was slow and beautiful. The day was bright and not too hot so all the windows and blinds were open wide. There is always something to do and a deadline to have it done by in our home. I felt AMAZING to just let everything go for a bit. To slow down and keep pace with the moment.

I started reading Stephanie Nielson's book Heaven is Here on my Kindle and was so touched by her words. I've been following her blog since just weeks before her accident in 2008, and I didn't think I would be so emotionally moved by the description of events that I not only knew about, but that occurred to people I have never met - but I was. (oh my run-on-sentence!) I hope to write a review of sorts when I finish the book.

While I was reading Blake took Kaleb outside to the grassy area right below our second story living room window. They ran and threw rocks and played with Kaleb's little Dino-ball. I love watching my husband be a father. I adore seeing him so carefully (and sometimes so very roughly) play with my baby. I know that he enjoys his role as father and sometimes I catch him gazing at our son in just absolute amazement. The love we have for our son binds us stronger and more fully than we were before. And I love that.

That evening Blake and I  dropped off Kaleb Mom and Dad Green's and went out to celebrate his 30th (which was actually the next day, but Thursday is Blake's day off)
We had two gift cards, one to the Cheesecake Factory and one to a small Mexican restaurant. We decided on Cheesecake Factory for dinner and small Mexican restaurant for dessert.
When we arrived, Blake came around to my side and opened my car door (I'm sure he would every day, but I usually ask him to grab Kaleb from the back and let myself out). He held my hand as we walked through the large glass doors and while we waited for a table he wrapped me in his arms and we just stood there. It felt like dating. and that made me happy.

We sat down out side and chatted. We talked about getting ready to move and we talked about jobs. We talked about the little kid in the table next to us who looked like he'd rather be ANYWHERE else but in a booth with about eight women. I munched on my Firecracker Salmon Rolls (Amazing, by the way) and we made jokes and had a really enjoyable night.

Then we left the cheesecake factory and went  the little Mexican restaurant (I wish I remembered the name!) just as they were closing. In fact, they opened up the doors for us. I had a ridiculous sundae thing and Blake chose churros and flan to go as his birthday treat.
While we were there, we started listing the places we've lived and the schools we've went to. I moved around A LOT when I was growing up so I totally won that exchange, but it was fun to surprise him after all these years. Apparently he didn't realize where I'd been and how many different places I've lived.

ON FRIDAY
It was Blake's actually birthday and I intended to wake up and do Birthday Breakfast for him, but the night before I started to feel that horrible gallbladder pain, so I took HALF a painkiller. MISTAKE. I felt AWFUL the next morning. I hate those drugs! I was sick and headachy and just awful. So that sent a lovely birthday morning right out the window.
And Blake had to get off to work, so I felt pretty guilty.
So around lunch time, Kaleb and I went to Party City and the grocery to get Blake a little Birthday treat: a "Happy Birthday" Mylar Balloon and a bottle of root beer some imitation girls scout cookies. It was fun to see him in the middle of the day and I know he liked them.

That evening we had chicken scampi (one of Blake's favorites) at his parents house with Mom and Dad Green and (his bother and sister-in-law) Jordan and Freesia.
Thats also where Blake's parents presented him with his new and improved banjo. Blake had salvaged it from a neighbor's garage, when neighbor was going to throw it away. His parents had it restrung and fixed up for his birthday.

The rest of the night was pretty chill, just hanging out and being with family.

ON SATURDAY
Blake went to work in the morning like usual and I was going a little mad getting things ready for his surprise party that evening. It was to be VERY small, but I still wanted it to be nice. I remembered a surprise party I threw him when we were dating, it was so much fun and I hoped to recapture the excitement that he had on that day. I mean 30 is a BIG deal. A HUGE deal.

Any way, I made his 2 tier lemon cake and a yummy fruit/cookie dip. I bought six packs of IBC root beer and black cherry soda (the kind in the glass bottles) and ordered some pizzas.







In the midst of all this I realized I hadn't finished his birthday present, three bow ties, so I rushed to do it in 30 minutes. I actually only finished one in time, so thats what he got.
It didn't' look awful, but it didn't' look great.

When he came in with his brother (who picked him up from work) he walked in the opposite direction as everyone else! I called "Blake, can you come here for a minute" and when he walked back to us, everyone shouted "surprise!" and that moment was such fun.

We ate and talked and played games and celebrated my hubby. It was fun and I am very happy with how everything turned out.

BACK TO NOW

PHEW! That was LOT to write in one post! So, I'm thinking I'll just find time to do one a night, or I'll write separate posts and back date them when I publish. Anyway, I really do love this system and it  helps me remember those little things I don't ever want to forget.

How I almost died (or : A real painful story with a slightly exaggerated title)

Okay, so it all started on the 12th of this month.

I'm trying to get some sleep, but I feel like I have bad acid reflux and I can't even lay down. 

Its uncomfortable, slightly painful and overall annoying because I just want to sleep.

The next day, the 13th, I'm exhausted because I got hardly any sleep.

While Kaleb took his nap I decided to make some ice cream with our little half pint ice cream maker. 

I remember Blake used to make milk shakes to sooth is acid indigestion so I figure it will be the same. 

Now this recipe calls for lots of sugar, heavy cream and bits of chocolate (okay, so I added the bits of chocolate, but can you blame me?). 

About an hour later I start to feel more acid reflux. I grab the last two tums, chew them and get them down with water.

Before I can even finish my glass, the pain suddenly intensifies. 

It is burning and burrowing inside of me.

There is pressure and what feels like cramping and so much pain. 

I hold my chest, my ribs actually, and wait about a minute for it to pass... it wont. 

It starts to get worse and I'm pacing in my bathroom. In my bedroom. Trying to keep Kaleb in the living room with Finding Nemo.

It becomes so bad, I start panting. Then I start crying.

I finally call Blake at work for no other reason than to see in he somehow knows of a magical cure.

He starts to say is probably bad heart burn and then as I start to sob he says "maybe its an ulcer".

He says he'll come home at lunch with some over the counter medicine.

I hang up and continue to pace, because I can't sit still with that much pain. Then, about 20 minutes later (about 40 total) I can feel it slowly subside. Then, finally, it just sits there. Hovering the line of discomfort and pain.

When Blake gets home, he empties a bag of goodies (tums, milk of magnesia, and mint acid reducing pills) and I devour one dose (if not more) of everything.

I start to feel better that night, and figure the acid reducers are doing their job.

Next morning its Valentine's day. I have to get up at 4:30am and start filming for a client, but I'm feeling good. 

While there, about two hours into it, I start to feel the tell tale discomfort that I know will VERY soon become a devouring fire that pushes and tears at my middle, just below my sternum. 

I excuse myself (as we're on a short break anyway) and RACE to the nearest drug store because I confidently and stupidly left all of the medication Blake got for me the day before at home.

I walk inside the store, striving not to cry or look like I was about to have a mental break down. I find something that also has a numbing agent, buy it, glance at the dosage before I just guzzle some down and start to grunt and moan until the pain subsides and I get out of my car and continue filming.

Now, this "attack" was not as bad as the night before, but it was still painful.

When I get home, Blake is wonderful and we have a great morning and afternoon.

While we're ending the night at a small theater with Kaleb, watching "Wreck-it-Ralph" and munching on some popped corn, I can feel it starting again. That awful pressure that becomes pain that becomes a nightmare. 

I get up calmly and walk to the bathroom. I'm not in there one minute before it goes away.

Awesome!

I go back to the theatre, and start to get comfy with my family again when it hits me... HARD.

I almost run to the bathroom again and lock myself in the nearest stall. I grab my chest, but pressing on it makes it hurt more. Not touching it makes it hurt more. BREATHING makes it hurt more.

In just a few moments I am sobbing and panting. I think I've taken off my shirt at this point because ANYTHING touching the area at the base of my sternum feels like grinding pieces of metal. 

After about ten minutes I can hear the main door open, Kaleb run in and Blake ask if I was ok. I say no in between sobs, so he says "Lets go home."

At this point my shirt is still off,  and I can't bare to think about how painful it will be to put it back on so I just say I can't right now.

Maybe ten minutes after that I manage to come out of the stall (full clothed and completely haggard) and slowly make my way to the car. When we get there, I can't even get in. The thought of just sitting there while my insides are burned and carved out feels like torture. 

Blake coaxes me and finally gets me in the car. Hes asks if I want to go to the emergency room (because its been well over 45 minutes since the first "attack" by now and the pain is still strong) 

I cry or scream or moan "yes!" and we start to make our way to an urgent care near by.

Of corse its rush hour though, and it takes forever to get there. All the wile I'm squirming and panting and trying to cry quietly so Kaleb can't tell anything is wrong (though I'm sure he does). 

By the time we get there, the pain has subsided and I tell Blake I just want to go home.

....

OF COURES as soon as we start driving again the pain hits me full force and I'm struggling to breathe and keep it together.

We decide to go to a near by emergency room and (thanks to traffic) by the time we get there the pain has muted a bit and my thoughts turn to "do we have the money for this?" because I'm unsure what our insurance will cover and when it will cover it and without the desperation of pain, I decide to go home and wait it out.

We do and Blake cuddles me  while I look up acid and ulcer and all sorts of things on webmd and then I can fall asleep.

The next day (the 15th) I call our insurance, make sure everything is in order and intend head back to the Hospital because I was all alone with Kaleb and I could not wait until I was in pain to drive there. 

Before I left I spoke with my grandmother. I described my symptoms and could not understand why it was so painful. Could it be an ulcer? I couldn't imagine it was simply heartburn.

Thats when good ol' grandma told me that my great grandmother, my aunt and she, herself had all suffered from these symptoms. It was gallstones. 

Yes. That made sense. At least I could see the Doctor and have SOME information and medical history to give them.

I arrive at 11:30am.

After waiting, a fluid test, more waiting, a blood test (which Kaleb HATED. As soon as he saw the needle he start crying. The whole time they were drawing blood from me I told him it was ok and that mommy was fine, but it wasn't until the pulled out the needle and I say "all done" that he stopped crying and said "all done".  My poor baby) and, of course, more waiting, I decided to call my grandma and ask if she can keep on eye on my fidgety, restless Kaleb.

I'm still afraid to eat, and all I've had is water and a granola bar, so when they do an ultrasound its pretty clear that theres something there. 

Grandma comes and walks with Kaleb outside just as they call me in again, but this time give me a gown and a room.

The doctor tells me I definitely have gallstones, but they have to do another test to see if its an actual emergency or something that can wait for treatment.

That red explosion doesn't even beging to explain the horridness. 

They hook me up to an IV and I feel like I wait forever.

Grandma comes in and sits with me as Kaleb sleeps in his stroller. 

I call Blake and my Dad to let me know whats going on.

I wait some more.

Finally...FINALLY someone comes to get me and I'm wheeled upstairs where they do a test where they inject me with radioactive isotopes and watch its progress through my liver, gallbladder and intestines with this huge, flat camera type thingy placed an inch above me. If it falls, it will crush me (at least thats how I feel). Oh, and the test will take at least an hour.

I'm also told that I will technically be radioactive and need to stay away from pregnant women and young children for three days. 

Awesome.

While I'm lying there my dad comes in and says hello. Hes so worried and I just feel silly because even though the pain was AWFUL, I know its not life threatening or anything like that. He still makes me feel better though. I love my dad.

Then Blake comes in and sits and we talk about what we will do with Kaleb for the next three days and play phone yahtzee. 

When the test is finished, they wheel me back to my room (and when I say "wheel" I mean on my bed, not a wheel chair. They wouldn't let me get up) and, you guessed it, we wait some more.

When the Doctor comes in he tells us that they're there. But its not technically and "emergency" so I can talk with my normal doctor and make arrangements to have surgery  because if I want the pain to stop, thats the only way to do it. 

In the meantime, the doctor says I need to change my diet to reduce the likely hood of another "attack"

So anyway this is all I can eat now:

• Fresh fruits and vegetables
• Whole grains (whole-wheat bread, brown rice, oats, bran cereal)
• Lean meat, poultry, and fish
• Low-fat dairy products

and this is what I can NEVER eat:

• Fried foods
• Highly processed foods (doughnuts, pie, cookies)
• Whole-milk dairy products (cheese, ice cream, butter)
• Fatty red meat

At least if I want to stay "agonizing-pain free". 

He also writes me a prescription for pain killers (which I HATE, but I hate the pain more, so we get them) and we go home.

I spend the next few days alone and aching for my son. I had never been away form him that long and it was AWFUL! 

I only had to take the pain killers once, but they kicked in about half an hour too late, so thats a bust. 

Since then I haven't felt the awful pain that I did on the 14th, but I have felt "lesser" pains that still burn and bring me to tears if not sobs. 

Now, just to put this into perspective, I went through 20 of my 30 hours of labor before I shed a single tear. And when I finally did, Blake demanded I get an epidural (which I humbly obliged.) 

Chew on that. 

Now I'm just waiting to schedule something with my doctor and get this time bomb out of me. 

Oy Vey!