HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Pumpkin Patch

We decided to take a little trip to the pumpkin patch the night before Halloween for a impromptu fall photo shoot.

If you don't want to see lots and lots of ridiculously cute images of Kaleb, you should stop now. 

Kaleb looking at the goats.

Goats ignoring Kaleb.

...Thats ok, because the pumpkins are nicer anyway.

then he found a little "Kaleb sized" chair

and a few Kaleb's size pumpkins.

(oh my goodness this is his daddy!)

Daddy and Baby

Family! this is our first try...

Mommy and Baby

Oh my handsomes! 

More family!
I like these better. 

and the last couple with mommy

We decided not to get or carve a pumpkin this year, but we did have lots of fun at the patch and I'm so glad we had this little family outing!

Trunk or Treating at Church

The Saturday before Halloween was our wards Halloween Party (AKA: Trunk or Treating)
Kaleb went as a little monkey (his costume was given to us before he was born by my cousin.) and Blake and I were minimal effort trees (basically we wore brown bottoms and green tops)

The party started after his normal bedtime, so he was rather sleepy at first.

Grandma's cauldron of toys was a hit.

Dragon friend came to play for a while...

Then Monkey chilled with Alice and her brother, Super man

LOVE

LOVE MORE!

After that,  along came a cutie Lion

and Lion was tired

so he took a nap.

But Kaleb had one more friend to see...

We couldn't stay away from tinker bell!

Monkey in the trees.

love love love. :D

first trunk or treat!

and this is the scary eyes cupcakes Mom and I made for the party.

For some reason, they had dinner in the parking lot and games in the cultural hall (usually its dinner in the cultural hall and games in the quad) and it was so dark and kids were running all over the place outside as cars came and went. And although many parents stood guard it seemed a bit dangerous to me. If its that way next year, we probably wont go, as Kaleb will be much more mobile (and faster).

Despite the random location change, it was fun and good to see everyone all dressed up!

Kaleb Things to Remember

There are already things I'm starting to forget about baby Kaleb.
I want to make a list here to help me remember.

1. When he was crawling (just crawling, not walking like now) and I caught his eye, we would crawl as fast as we could to each other and crash. He would laugh and laugh as I picked him up and rolled over and kissed his face.
2. He LOVES having his face kissed. We discovered this when he was three months old and had a bad cold. He was super fussy and just a miserable baby. We had him in bed with us and Blake kissed his cheeks forehead and other cheek. When I looked at Kaleb's face, his eyes were closed and he was smiling big. Ever since, if I can grab him and keep him still, I'll kiss his cheeks, nose, and forehead and Kaleb will close his eyes and give me a big big grin. I love it. 
3. He is now 13 months old and is exploring EVERYTHING. He's even stopped looking so much like a baby. His face is thinning out, and he smiles with his four chomping teeth all the time. (with two more on top coming in fast).
4. He knows when hes doing something wrong now. He loves to play with the TV buttons, and when I catch him at it he smiles until I go over to him, then he runs away laughing. The little terd.
5. Hes dancing now too. Not with much rhythm, and only one move, but its the best dancing I've ever seen. He sort of bounces up and down grinning. Its amazing.
6. Kaleb colored and drank from a straw for the first time at Red Robin last week. 

I'll think of more and add it soon.

I miss nursing

Is that weird?
I don't think it is, but I'm still unsure.

Most moms I talk to to say they're glad to finally have the freedom, to not be bitten by their little milk vampires anymore.

and, though Kaleb never bit me, it is nice to have the freedom of not nursing.

But I still miss it.

I miss needing nothing other than my own body to calm, sooth and feed my son.
I miss him holding me tight and cuddling as he fed. I mean, lets be honest, he is not at all interested in cuddling right now.

Maybe its all part of me resisting (however slightly) him growing up.
I am so proud of my son. I love watching him discover his world and all the things in it.

Hes making decisions now.
My baby is making decisions.

Hes choosing when he wants more and when hes all done.
He knows what books he wants to hear at bedtime.
He decides when he wants to take a bath (which is whenever I ask him, but still)

I'm glad we weaned. It was the right time.
But I see the last small remnant of my baby slipping away.
In his place there is a curious, intelligent, independent and saucy toddler sneaking up.

I also feel unneeded.
Is it coincidence that weaning coincided with Kaleb's "Daddy" phase?
When he was an infant and cried when ever his dad (or anyone besides me) held him, in order to comfort Blake, I told him it was because I was Kalbe's food source. He didn't want me, he wanted lunch.

I didn't think it was actually true.

Now EVERYTHING is "Dada". He even carries around a picture of Blake (when he, Blake, is at work) and says "Dada!" most of the day.

I miss being #1.
And, alright, I'll admit it, I think I deserve to be #1 always. (until he falls in love, of course)

I carried him for 9 months! I fell in love with him when he was the size of my pinky. When Blake would occasionally forget he even existed. Not to mention the struggle of bringing him into this world.

I love him so much.
So completely.
I am a little bitter about being second fiddle to Blake.
(but I guess, if I have to be second to anyone, it should be him)

I expected that with girls, but not my boy.

So, now I have no milk, hardly any cuddles and all the baby weight in the world...

I guess I also have a strong, healthy, so smart toddler who, if I'm lucky, will give me a kiss or two and let me hold his bottle while he drinks.