It has become a "let-me-quickly-blog-this-event-post-some-pictures-and-type-a-few-captions-in-5-minutes" blog.
Boo.
Heres to putting forth the effort to type the things I think.
Its difficult not to lose yourself when you become a mother. Especially a new mother who owns a business, runs a wedding blog (which has become 200x easier since Becky joined me) and can never quite finish the laundry... ever.
Who is also... I can't believe I'm confessing this... 60 pounds heavier than when you were married. (by "you" I, of course, mean "I")
Speaking of how huge I've become, what the eff dude?!
I finally have a gym membership (thanks to my father who one day, basically said "Hey honey, you really need to lose some weight. Lets get you working out!") and with Blake's new schedule and the weird infant child care hours, I can never even go!
But exercise is only half of it right? Eating right is step one.
I always BUY the healthy food with "grilled-chicken-or-baked-fish" expectations and I usually end up with homemade brownie realities.
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| BEFORE This is me, about a month before my wedding. 130 pounds and having a FABULOUS hair day. |
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| AFTER This is me 190 pounds, one week ago. I chose a particularly horrible picture from an awful hair day. |
I mean, I physically feel awful (and I feel guilty and bad for Blake. Clearly not what he signed up for.)
How did this happen? Simple. I got lazy and learned how to cook.
I screwed up.
Recently, thanks to Netflix and my need to always have noise going on in the background, I have been watching the Biggest Loser and feeling inspired.
Feeling motivated.
Its difficult to take myself seriously at this point. I mean how many diets have I been on? How many times have I said "I'll just start on Monday"? Lots. Lots and Lots.
So here it is. My online confession in the hopes of being held accountable and actually following through with goals.
My food goals.
Ick. I've never been very disciplined when it came to food.
Salad. I need you people to push salad on me like you're on a mission for the church of health food.
Anyway, its easy to lose yourself and I truly believe that writing a "journal" or honest blog will help me to navigate my way back to me. Or help build a new me anyway.
So heres to that!
But don't worry. This isn't going to become a diet blog or self loathing journal.
Just an honest record of good and bad.
(and if you ever think I'm sharing too much, feel free to click that little red "x" on your browser.)
Its after midnight... that must be why my filter is gone.
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9 comments
I really admire you for posting this. It can't be easy to admit something like this, especially on such a public platform as the internet. Thank for for including me in the Facebook announcement of the post. I'll be reading and cheering you along, you can do it!
ReplyDeleteHey Paige! You're not alone in your desire to become more healthy. You're also not alone in feeling overwhelmed and depressed about it. I've been working since the new year and just want to share a couple things that have worked for me. I have tried many different things over the years and this is the best so far.
ReplyDelete1) MyFitnessPal.com It helps you track your calories, but takes all the work out of it. If you sign up, please add me as a friend. I love the support and encouragement you can give to each other on the site. They also have an awesome phone app that I use all the time instead of the website. Check it out.
2) One rule of thumb from a nutritionist: Half of your plate (at dinner at least) should be from the fruits and veggies group. This has helped me a ton in planning meals and simply cutting back on the calories and carbs I eat. I always plan a salad and veggie at dinner and make it fill half my plate, then I eat a portion of whatever we're having without feeling guilty about it.
3) Exercise: however and whenever. I love that on myfitnesspal, I can enter in my exercise and get calorie credit!! Anytime I do at least 20 minutes of good cleaning, I enter it in. It is REALLY hard to find the time when you are a new mommy, but 20 minutes a day is not impossible and doesn't always require a workout outfit or a gym.
Good luck Paige!!! I hope you can find small ways that you can maintain to be healthier and in the end feel better in your beautiful body!! Feel free to email me if you have any questions about any of the stuff I put on here. :)
I woke up this morning and almost deleted this post. I don't know why i felt so comfortable posting that awful picture, or being so frank, but maybe its the fire I need to get going... so I guess i'll leave it up.
ReplyDelete@Joy: I would, by no means categorize myself as "depressed". I'm bummed about my weight and a little baby over whelmed, but overall life is good and I'm happy.
I have signed up for Weight watcher (Dr. recommended) which sounds similar to MyFitnessPal.com. I'll keep the cleaning thing in mind, and I really do appreciate the support!
I'm glad you kept the post up. It's brave and honest. Weight watchers is a great way to go. My dad and Mel have had a lot of success with that program. The best part about that program is that fruits and most vegetables are free! So it encourages you to incorporate a lot of them into your regular eating habits. I have found that to be the most helpful in my eating. When it doesn't 'cost' me anything to add an apple to my lunch or a big serving of freshly steamed *insert favorite veggie here* to my dinner, it makes me want to do it. Keep posting too!!!
ReplyDeleteI so get where you are coming from. I had quite the identity crisis after having Weston. It really took awhile to find the new me. And to realize that even though my lifestyle and priorities were so different than they had been before becoming a mom I am still me. I think a big part of it for me was just acceptance that this is the life I chose and I needed to find a way to be happy with this life. Including this body that has been pregnant and had babies. I'm not saying you shouldn't work on your health, but it really helps to not be down on yourself. I think you are so beautiful. Good luck with WW and finding the time to exercise with a baby. It can be tough but you can do it! :)
ReplyDeletePS-I second Joy's recommendation of myfitnesspal. It's the only thing I've ever tried that actually helped me (easily) monitor my food/calorie intake. Love it!
ReplyDeleteMonica my dear, once again you've brought me to tears! I love you & I'm so very proud of you! I must commend you for this Extreme act of bravery! You are an amazing girl, well really (feel like I'm aging myself here), woman!! You are a successful photographer, an adorable wife, a wonderful mother (already!), a humerous blogger, my favorite cousin, and really the best lil' almost-sister I could ever have! You're a strong person, and I Know, whatever you set your mind to, You Will accomplish, just look at your list already! Anything I can ever do to help you, whatever it is, I'm here for you!
ReplyDeleteBest two lines in this post:
ReplyDelete1.) I need you people to push salad on me like you're on a mission for the church of health food.
2.) (and if you ever think I'm sharing too much, feel free to click that little red "x" on your browser.)
LOL
I love you!
I have been having too many issues with this. I have always been a binge eating (there is actually such a thing as a binge eating disorder. I found that out in college. I was reading the brochure and you had to have 3 out of 12 criteria or something. I had 8. It was screaming at me in NEON LETTERS! So I quickly put the brochure down and tried to forget about the whole thing. :)
I'm also an overeater. Lovely combination. I overeat regularly, and binge the rest of the time. FANTASTIC!
I'd like to go back to that stage where I was really, really depressed and didn't eat at all. Hoover Damn, i looked good.
So, I watched this on Amazon, "Fat Sick and Nearly Dead." http://www.amazon.com/Fat-Sick-Nearly-Dead/dp/B004V4ASGC I don't really believe in diets or fads, I think you restrict calories to a healthy amount and you exercise and there you go. I always believe in lifestyle changes. That's how I've lost weight in the past and that's really the only healthy way to do it.
That said, after seeing that documentary, I thought I'd give juicing a try. It just seemed like fun. And, I don't eat fruits and veggies and it's probably good for me. Unless I put ice cream in the juicer, which, seriously, I considered at the grocery story tonight.
So I juiced twice today, and balanced it out with about 5 or 6 bags of baked chips and dip. (Gotta keep things well rounded ya know.)
Seriously TERRIFIED of weighing myself. I'm sure I'm over 200. I have to be. I haven't been over 200 in 3 years. Since before I met Matt.
Maybe I should just do it. Poop.
If you ever want to go to the gym, just call and I'll come over and play with baby for an hour or so. Babies make me happy and the gym will make you happy. Win win. Or we could always go for walks.. and while this might not be the hardcore workout you're going for, I like them and need them and it's better than nothing.
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